Baby Got Stats
Audio
lyrics by Dorry Segev
to the music (is it really music?) of "Baby
Got Back" by Sir Mix-A-Lot
(spoken by 2 epi grad students)
oh my god, Becky, look at his log file, it is so big,
he looks like one of those biostats grad students
but, you know, who understands biostats?
they only hired him because he looks like a total geek, ok?
i mean, his log file is like 200 pages.
i can't believe he even calculated, like, what's a
Schoenfeld residual?
i mean -- gross. look! he's just so... smart!
i like good stats and i cannot lie,
you other brothers can't deny,
that when you get some data, and you put it in STATA,
and it spits out a beta of 10 you get sprung
and you're thinkin "no way -- gonna send that to JAMA
today!"
couldn't be any fairer, cause i've got no residual error
oh data, i wanna get withya, regress and fit ya
my mentor tried to warn me, but those odds ratios get me so
horny
ooh add a spline term, you say you wanna perfect fit?
just add a quadratic, with STATA it's automatic.
you seen my 2-tail, kickin' it on the log scale,
no leaf, no stem, got it going with GLM
i'm tired of magazines saying exact tests are the things,
take the average grad student, she will say, i like your
logit way
so fellas, fellas, did you download the DTA,
well shake it, shake it, shake and regress today
baby got stats
i like my R-squared's big, the AUC i dig, i just can't
help myself
analyzin' like an animal, now here's my scandal
i wanna sit at home and sum, double-up, sum-of-squares
i ain't talkin' exact test, large sample assumption is the
best.
i want a high coefficient, so find a cohort study,
if the data's muddy, i'll clean it up with my buddy.
put a paper in Nature or Cell, takes 7 years to do it well,
you can tell everyone i'm a geek, but i'll write my grant in
a week.
a word to you epi sistas, i wanna get withya, i won't
overfit ya,
but it's gonna be great when we're playin with
Cox (Sir David, that is) til the break of dawn,
STATA got it goin' on,
a lot of people gonna be served,
they don't know their proportional hazards, but i got me a
log log curve
and i shout, without a doubt, don't make me get my DO file
out
so ladies, ladies, using methods from the 80's?
well don't resign, get STATA 9, and your thesis will be fine
baby got stats
yeah baby, when it comes to regression models,
epi ain't got nothing to do with my selection.
2x2 tables?
yeah, only if it's AJE
so my girlfriend likes my chevy, and thinks calculus is
heavy,
but i got strict rules for "exploring" in the back of my
chevy,
my final model don't want none unless your p is 0.01
you can do stepwise or subsets, or even AIC.
some brothers analyze survival, tell you censoring just
dont count,
but i find them, and remind them, competing risks are behind
them,
so they teach STATA in class, and the real world uses SAS,
but remember that STATA is nearly free,
and for SAS you pay a yearly fee.
scatterplots i do adore, but i can do much more,
you want prediction, i'll create it, bootstrap and validate
it.
a 650 geek went too far, tried to do it all in R,
he had game but he didn't perfect it, and Annals had to
reject it.
so ladies if your budget's tight, ask me to do your stats
tonight,
you'll have a valid sample size, and get your nobel prize
baby got stats
(you don't get
out but you got good stats)
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It's Just STATA Code To Me
Audio
by Dorry Segev, Biostatistics 653
(to the music of "It's Still Rock'N'Roll To Me" by Billy
Joel)
What's the matter with the p I'm getting?
Can't you tell your CI's too wide?
Maybe I should check the line I'm fitting.
Type predict and don't ask why.
How have you been exploring all your data?
Things are automated if you do it all in STATA.
Everybody's talkin' 'bout regression
Funny, but it's just STATA code to me
What's the matter with my Kaplan-Meier?
Your control group is far too sick.
How'm I gonna make my hazard higher?
Use the backward stepwise trick.
Nowadays you can't be too automatic
You think you want a spline but it knows you want quadratic.
2-tail, no fail, do it on the log scale,
It's just STATA code to me
Oh, it doesn't matter what you write in your papers
Cause no-one has the sense to gauge
A forced model fills your needs
And JAMA never reads what you write in your methods page
We live in a peer-review age
Calculus doesn't lend itself to clarity
But we don't need to worry a bit.
Cause vif will check for collinearity
And estat, for goodness-of-fit.
When I'm feeling despair, worried and weary,
I remember that software is easier than theory.
Use 2 strata, you'll get a better beta,
It's just STATA code to me.
Fitting models now is my obsession,
My friends say I'm out of touch.
When I'm alone I like to do my own regression.
My friends say I think too much.
Don't you know about the glm command?
Gaussian, binomial, or logit on demand!
Use 2 strata, you'll get a better beta,
It's just STATA code to me.
Everybody's talkin' 'bout r-squared
Funny, but it's just STATA code to me
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